


Roses Painted Black

by Hayden_IsTrying



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blood, Bullying, Cheating, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Drowning, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone is Dead, Grief/Mourning, Help, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, M/M, Murder, Past Relationship(s), Poisoning, Relationship(s), Roman is bad at feelings, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Sad, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Stabbing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, it's Dee, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2020-05-07 20:30:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19216972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayden_IsTrying/pseuds/Hayden_IsTrying
Summary: In a world where everyone has an assigned soulmate that is replaced after death, Roman, who has been killing his soulmates for years, meets what he doesn't know is his final soulmate. Will his dark history hold him back from making a connection with his true love?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very dark story with very dark themes be warned, but most of it's in the tags.  
> ***Updates once a week***

“Do I have to?” He whined childishly. “I just want to go back to sleep.” Roman yawned, pulling at his arms that were extended out above his head and scratching at his neck.

His mother tutted to herself and turned giving him a playful glare. She then walked out calling after him, “Yes, you do Roman.”

Roman had been scared shitless when his parents had told him they were moving. All the way across the country for ‘business opportunities’. He couldn't help but stress at the idea of leaving his soulmate in Washington if he had to go all the way to Florida.

Even though Roman knew it was unfair, he went along with it, not that he had much of a choice. Though he had no reason to stick around in his old town, (apart from his soulmate worries, though he hadn't found anything that said about the higher statistic of meeting your soulmate in your home town.) He didn’t really want to move either. It meant starting again; maybe that was what Roman needed.

Monday morning was usually a day Roman dreaded. With Monday came the first day back at school, which was something he didn’t really want to think about. Especially all his new classmates.

Roman hadn’t been to school in weeks. In fact, he had only just finished unpacking. So you can guess how surprising it would have been, when his mum had walked into his bedroom early that morning, singing to herself.

She wore a crooked, shiny smile on her face and was telling him he needed to get up and get ready for school.

pulling himself away from his warm sheets with a sigh, and grabbing some towels from a drawer, he began to get ready.

Walking into the bathroom he grabbed a toothbrush, splashed water on his face to wake up a bit more, and brushed his teeth.

After a quick shower, he thought about potential conversations with new people, he would inevitably have to meet. Once he’d blow-dried his hair he went to go pick an outfit.

Roman took fashion very seriously, as he wanted to make a good first impression. He tousled his hair, put on a pair of grey ripped jeans, a slightly oversized black shirt, a necklace with an arrowhead charm and matching bracelet, and a pair of black and white converse.

He looked in the mirror letting a sheepish smile crawl onto his face.  
Roman made his way downstairs and ate a few strawberries, picked up an apple and put his earbuds in opening his music and putting his playlist on shuffle.

The door clicked shut behind him as he breathed in the morning air. Walking to school, even in the morning, the day was already quite warm. Even so, he was shaking a little bit. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the music drifting into his ears.

“It almost feels like a joke to play out a part

When you are not the starring role in someone else's heart

You know I'd rather walk alone, than play a supporting role

If I can't get the starring role.”

He hummed quietly, focusing on the lyrics and the way they sounded as a method to keep his brain where he wanted it to be.

A little while later he arrived at the intimidating, school gates and took a deep breath. Walking forward into the crowded playground he noticed everyone stood in small clusters that he guessed were friend groups. Few people even stared at him or pointed whereas others, or so he hoped were at least a bit more civilized.

The bell rang and everyone began to file into the large school building and he just followed the crowd using his map and timetable to find out where he needed to be.

***  
By the end of the week, Roman was exhausted. He hadn’t been able to easily find any of his classes, he had made no friends, the content was hard and he really didn’t understand most of it. He just felt so defeated.

The weekend went really quick, and soon Roman was back in the educational hell dimension. He had pretty much given up all hope of making friends, so he turned into a statue, he decided he was going to close himself off to anyone and everyone so he could focus on his work and make sure he understood all the material.

But this, as Roman figured out pretty quickly, just made him feel drained, both physically and emotionally, because he couldn’t get the balance of work and free time right.  
That was when Roman got himself in some serious trouble.  
He had been more stressed than ever and some boys sitting close to where he was revising were being unnecessarily loud, and honestly quite crude so he asked them, in a pretty passive aggressive voice, if they could shut up.

But they just ignored him, so he said it again. And once again he was ignored, so he yelled. Loud, and obviously very irritated. It turns out they didn’t like his tone too much as he was now hiding from the guy that had promised he would break Roman’s nose, Which Roman thinks is a good reason to hide from him.

“I should have just kept my mouth shut.” Roman groaned to himself but at that exact thought, he heard a familiar voice.

“Fucken find him, the cocky little shit needs to be put in his place.” The boy snarled

“Come on, Casper really? He runs really fast for a short guy.”

Roman fought the urge to huff at that comment and frowned still ducked behind the dumpster. But, hey. If they killed him at least he knew one of their names so he could haunt them.

A cat crawled through a gap in the fence behind Roman and at the sight of him, it mewed softly rubbing its body around his crouched ankles.

Roman’s eyes blew out wide and he became very cautious, but the cat didn’t know any better. He was just saying ‘hello’, so he sat there and hoped to god they didn’t hear, either him or the cat.  
Then the cat knocked over some kind of fuel can. Roman knew they heard this time so just as he got ready to bolt, he was picked up by strong hands and pushed into a wall. It was like he was a mere aphid, at least compared to this massive fucking football jock.

“You’re going to wish you never existed,” Casper growled.

“If you want to intimidate me, you could be a little less cliche.” Roman choked back

Roman was sure at this point he saw red, but if he was getting beaten up he wasn’t backing down easy.  
Casper threw back his fist, a fire in his eyes, and Roman heard a sweet, yet masculine, voice coming from his left “Casper, wait! Don’t hit him”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman meets Patton, little does he know the news he is about to find out because of his meeting with this fellow student.

“Patton, stay out of this,” Casper growled sending him a glare.

“Casper May-weather Darling get off that poor boy, now!” Patton demanded then he began to rant

“Peggy would be so disappointed to find out her grandson would resort to such violence! Come on I thought you were better than this.” Patton said, disappointedly shaking his head with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Pat come on, you know I didn't mean it like that I jus-” Patton cuts him off with a sharp look

“Go, Casper!”

“Okay, I'll see you later right?” He met Patton’s eye looking quite resemblant to a kicked puppy.

“Yes, we will still have our talk as planned, but I really don’t want to see you doing this type of thing. You really are in the wrong crowd Casper, but I love ya kiddo. I’ll see you later for our dog walking shifts, Cas.”  
Casper flushes slightly, before quickly walking away to his group of friends (who had disappeared as soon as they had seen Patton). Not that he blamed them, he would have done the same. Patton was lovely but could also be seriously scary when he wanted to be. No one wanted to be on the bad side of Patton Gyres.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked. Patton began to walk towards Roman, his whole face a picture of concern.

“I’m fine, just a few bruises.”

Patton looked him over and frowned, “Nope, we are going to get an ice pack” he took Roman’s hand and led him past reception towards the school nurse's room.

“Jane?” He called, poking his head around the door. ”Do you think I could have an ice pack?”

“Oh, Patton, of course, one second.” The bubbly lady said with a smile on her round freckled face. “It’s nice to see you round, Patton”

“It’s good to see you too, Jane, see you later,” He walked out of the room with a smile.

“Come on, Ro. I know a place where we can sit.” He started walking but gasped and turned around to face Roman so suddenly he almost walked straight into him.

“Sorry, hold this here.” He said, pressing the cold pack against Roman’s swollen neck. He smiled up at him sweetly. Then reached down grabbing Roman’s hand, pressing it to the ice pack resting in the crook of his neck, causing Roman to flush a subtle pink.

“Awwe, you have cute freckles.” Patton cooed, smiling at Roman.

He took Roman’s unoccupied hand and led him towards a small quiet looking area tucked away from the rest of the school. There were cute little benches and trees were littered around the small area. they created a perfect amount of shade. He sat down and gestured to the seat opposite him.

“You new here?” Patton asked as he pulled a brown hardback sketchbook from his bag. He grabbed a few things from his pencil case and began to doodle on his paper.

“Yeah, I came here from Washington.”

“Jeez, all the way to Florida, from Washington?” Roman just hummed in response.

“Do you like it here?” Patton said, sensing moving was a touchy subject for him. “What about your classes?”

“I don’t really like my classes. At least as much as I could. I think it’s because I don't know anyone, I feel like an outcast.”

“Well, you do now!” He smiled. “We can be a team.”

Roman smiled. This was going to be the start of something good, finally.

***  
And Roman was right, from that day forward, he and Patton did everything together. But they were much more than friends. They helped each other, made each other better. They were practically joint at the hip, and they never left each other's side

Patton helped Roman get out of the many troubling situations he got himself into without even trying most of the time.

He also helped him to rehearse and build his confidence enough so he could do theatre.

it was something he loved, and clearly wanted to do, but thought he wasn’t quite good enough. However with enough encouragement from the person he loved he was able to do it. And do it well too. He got mostly lead roles. When he didn't he always had some important part to play.

Patton watched as the scared, quiet boy who beat himself up for every mistake he made. turned into a dramatic, loving, confident, inspiration for every person lucky enough to meet him. He helped people in practically any way he could.

To gain the confidence to work on stage for everyone to see, or to learn their lines when they found it difficult. There were so many things he did and loved doing. he finally felt like he fit in. and it was all thanks to Patton.

And Roman helped Patton to accept, and feel comfortable with, himself because although he was kind to everyone, his head was often a pretty dangerous place for anyone to be stuck in for too long.

Roman helped him to find a more positive and constructive way of thinking about himself, often reminding him of how much he loved him and how amazing he was.

If you asked them they would both deny it like crazy, but they loved each other in a way that was way past the border of platonic.

Everyone seemed to see it except them. Whenever they hugged, it lingered, as if they would press their lips together in a perfect kiss.

Or if one of them got hurt, they would freak out. God forbid it was someone else's fault. They were both very protective of each other and unless there was an immediate apology, they would get a passive aggressive attack from Roman, or a dad lecture from Patton.

It was only in the summer just after Roman's sixteenth birthday (Patton's was in late Winter) was that they finally told each other how they felt. They were both flustered as all heck, bright red, smiling at each other like the dork's in love that they both knew they were.

Ever since that day, the emotionally charged hugs had changed to soft, and loving hand holding. Sickeningly sweet words shared with each other, or a quiet whisper of love. Everyone, including Patton and Roman, wholeheartedly believed the two boys were not only made for each other but that they were soulmates.  
Though surprisingly, none of the other kids cared. In fact, they were pretty happy for them, because really, it was a long time coming, and they were all rooting for them. 

And they were happy isn’t that the best part?


	3. I'm sorry, i'm about to break you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Patton were happy, but two people like them can't just be happy...it's all about to end.

Roman and Patton were happy, they felt like they were walking on air.  
Roman had always fantasized about this, finding someone that he could share everything with. 

Someone who he could find a rhythm with, make him feel sane at the worst of times and someone to hold him at the best of times. Someone who he could do that for. But above all else someone who he knew he could be vulnerable around.  
Patton was that for him, he was the first person he came out too, his first best friend, boyfriend and his soulmate who statistically he wasn’t supposed to meet for another eight years.  
As you can tell, Roman was absolutely smitten.

They were walking home from school and all day Roman had a sinking feeling deep in his gut but had pushed away those feelings to enjoy his date with Patton as they had decided to go get ice cream after school.  
Roman had been very busy lately and had no spare time to spend with Patton. Though this upset him greatly; he had no choice since he was working on a musical. Being so involved meant a lot of his time was taken up with the play. He still had an unending passion for theatre, but he liked it a bit less when it got in the way of hanging out with his adorable puffball.

They were calmly walking, hand in hand, down Oakley Wayside, which was the quickest road that leads to Roman’s house, and Patton was happily chattering about everything that had happened that day. Or at least he was, but then he saw a small cat curled up under a bush surrounded by small kittens. There were four of them and they looked no bigger than eight weeks old, Patton immediately started cooing, gently offering his hand for the mother to sniff at. 

When she decided Patton was up to standard, she made a quiet mewing noise and the biggest, and equally, bravest carefully brushed it’s soft, warm body against Patton’s hand.  
He looked like he was going to burst, Patton was allergic, but Roman knew he wouldn’t be able to stop him so he would just have to make sure the boy took his allergy medicine when they got to his house

Eventually, Roman was able to pull Patton away from the kittens and onwards towards the crossing that leads to Roman’s house. As they were walking, a few times, Patton looked back to stare at the kittens which were stumbling over one another and happily mewing. One of the middle-sized kittens had managed to break away from the group and was trailing towards the road, it’s tiny tail swishing backwards and forwards. 

The kitten then proceeded to follow them, falling off the curb and tumbling into the road just a few metres away from them. Patton, being the person he was, immediately walked over, covering the distance and without hesitation walking straight into the road. He stooped down to the kitten’s level and carefully started to beckon it out of the road. Roman tried to get him to come back onto the path, but at this point, Patton was sitting in the middle of the road petting this kitten and trying to get it to move towards the path. The problem with this was that, not only was Patton sitting in the middle of the road, being a genuinely unaware, naive person in general, he also was pretty hard of hearing so Roman’s worrying would be audible, but a car coming round the blind corner that was very close to where Patton was, would not. “Pat, please get out of the road?” Roman begged, but Patton just looked back up at him, a pout on his face. 

“But i have to make sure the kitty is okay” He whined and at that moment, to Roman’s complete horror and trepidation, a large car, similar to a Jeep and being very clearly driven with awful navigation and awareness sped right around the deadly blind corner and towards Patton. The boy had managed to just get the kitten out of the road and turned around in his, still-sitting position to get his bag and saw the car when it was only a few feet away. 

It sped forward, it’s unrelenting bumper hitting Patton fiercely and left nothing in his wake as it didn’t stop, it kept driving. It’s deadly rampage continuing down the whole street as it made its way to the next suburban neighbourhood along. “Patton!” Roman screeched, the impact was such a blunt thump that it made him physically sick to hear it. Not only because of the horrible reality of the crimson pavement or the receding screech of tires against tarmac but because the noise itself symbolizes something far, far darker. He rushed forwards, letting out a deep throaty scream. It was almost animalistic, so much horror and built up emotion in the core of it that it made him feel completely lifeless. Tears spilt down his cheeks and ran down his chin, burning at his skin as if it was a deadly fire rather than tears that seemed to burn him right to his core. 

“Patton! Patton! Please, no...please don’t leave me...Patton, come on, you’re going to be okay, right?” he took Patton’s hand and held it tightly, shakily pulling out his phone and calling 911. His whole body felt like he was floating. It was almost like he couldn't fathom that this… This hellish reality was his own and he would never be able to change it. The shaky words he managed to pull from his raw throat were barely recognisable to the operator, but the message was clear, “Please ...please help me, my friend, there was a car… he’s.. he-lp me” he managed, dropping his phone because the shaking had gotten so much worse when he’d had to admit it. He sat by Patton's side, trying for a pulse, but seeing or finding absolutely nothing in his cold, and completely blank expression. More tears fell from his eyes, his whole body motionless and you would have believed he was a statue if you didn't hear his next, completely breathless, whispered words, "Patton, please come back, I don't want you to go" he choked out. 

"Pat, please… I… I love you" 

As the seconds turned to minutes in Roman’s mind, he slowly felt himself giving up all hope in himself. He could have saved him. He could have done it, but he just stood there. It wasn't enough, he wasn't enough. As his weak body quivered as if he was a frail leaf, he waited for something to happen and pull him out of whatever horrible nightmare he was in. However, the real demon was Patton’s pale skin and bloodied body. 

Roman felt like he was empty in that moment. All he wanted was to see Patton one more time, but the boy that he was so in love with was gone and he never got to hear those three words just one last time that Roman would say to him in a heartbeat if he had just a few more minutes with him. Just as quickly as the car had come, Patton was gone from his life and it left him feeling as if he should have appreciated him so much more than he did.


	4. Sorry babe...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Roman hs almost completely given up hope, he finally gets into another relationship, but where he ends up will result in a slippery slope...

Roman felt so incredibly numb. After Patton’s funeral, he’d been completely alone with his thoughts. His mind was completely clouded and he couldn’t think about anything other than what he could have done differently. He was the only one there and as far as he knew, Patton’s parents very much blamed him for the accident. 

They met Roman previously and never had a problem with him before, but as of late, they’d barely been speaking to him. As he saw them in town, they would give him looks filled with passive-aggressive anger. It’s a lot for a person to take when everyone around them blames you for the death of someone so significant to your own life. The whole event was something that had set off a trigger in Roman’s head. Of what had once been echoes of pain and only whispers of thoughts filled with ideas of pain and incredibly unhealthy habits. 

Time passed by at a painfully slow pace and Roman couldn’t tell the difference between one day and the next. Weeks turned to months, which turned to years and Roman had done quite literally everything in his power to avoid his next soulmate. By now, he knew he’d be able to easily find the next one. They’d be drawn to him like a moth to a flame and it wasn’t something he wanted whatsoever.

Remy had always wanted a soulmate as a kid. He’d longed for the idea of belonging and safety with someone he loved very deeply. However the older he got, the longer he went without a soulmate, the more unrealistic it seemed that he’d ever get one and the more resentful he became of the idea of being with one person who matched so, so well with him. He wasn’t sure how appealing it was to him anymore and he quickly became tired of people who looked all coupley and happy with their partners, so by twenty-two years old when he did finally meet his soulmate, he was already repulsed by the idea of staying with just one person for the rest of his life.

Roman had come into Remy’s life when he himself was twenty-one. With five years to get over Patton, he still hadn’t done a whole lot of moving on. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he’d accepted that Patton was gone yet. Sometimes he’d talk to him as if he was still right there in the room with him and with how vulnerable and broken Roman already was, Remy not being the type for commitment or giving people his time, it was a recipe for disaster. 

On their first date, which the both of them were already reluctant to go to at all, Roman found out that Remy was “Easy breezy” which basically translated that he didn't want his and Roman’s relationship to be exclusive and that he should be flexible to work with Remy’s “Vibe”.

Roman wasn’t happy with this situation, but was too tired and not invested enough to fight back. They’d been together for just under a year when the real conflict started. Remy had left one night while Roman was sleeping and not come back. Now in their relationship, Roman had put up with and opened up about a lot. He’d told Remy things that he never thought he’d be able to tell anybody, but when he woke up and found the house empty with not even a note telling Roman where he’d gone, Roman had panicked.   
He tried to call Remy, but his phone was off and the more Roman tried to call him, the more panic he felt clawing its way into his chest. He expected Remy to be back on the second day, then the third, then the forth...then the tenth, but he never came back…

Roman had once again lost a soulmate and he didn’t even know what had happened to this one. Every day became bleaker and Roman was walking around doing his daily routine as if he was a zombie. Slowly, his healthy habits and newly learned self-care too went out the window and Roman was exhausted. 

God, he loved Remy...he even said it. He never thought he’d be able to fall in love again, especially with someone so unpredictable, but he did and he fell hard just like he always fucking did. After some careful thinking and evaluation of the evidence, namely Remy’s stuff being gone from the apartment, Roman decided that it was rather likely that Remy had just left him. 

He’d become too clingy and Remy had decided he’d been too much, but that didn’t stop Roman from worrying. He kept thinking about all the horrible things that could have happened to him. All the possibilities that he didn’t even want to think about considering. Remy really did mean something to him, he missed him and he wanted to know if he was okay, but eventually, he realised that his calls stopped going through completely. This, Roman guessed, was because Remy had either changed his number or blocked his. 

Around a month after Remy’s disappearance, Roman was walking down a high street on the way back to his house from work. He always took a long way now, not wanting to have to stare at the lonely walls of the house.

He managed to look into one of the cafe’s at the side he was walking and stopped where he stood. Remy was sitting next to a guy, leaning right across the table and clearly flirting with him. He was perfectly fine… Roman couldn’t stop himself as he moved forward. He grabs Remy and drags him out of the cafe, pulling him into a nearby alleyway. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, looking at his boyfriend with a piercing gaze.   
“Oh...Roman…I’m sorry, baby... I thought it might be best if we went our separate ways, you know? You’re just too high maintenance and I can't be dealing with that, I have a busy lifestyle.”

“No, no, I know, I get it, I’m sorry for being so clingy, please Remy, I can’t lose you,” Roman begged, feeling Remy’s hands moved to his waist as he pressed forward into his chest and looked up at him pleadingly. “Please?”

“Alright, fine, Roman, come here.” Remy relented, carefully stooping down and pressing his lips to Roman’s. The man in question leaned up into it, kissing him back with just as much vigour. Remy’s arms wrapped around his neck and Roman pressed him hard against the wall behind them. Remy made a noise something like a squeak and a huff both at once. 

It was all at once that Remy felt it. A foreign object piercing through his gut, it’s sharpened edge sinking into him before he could think to react. He gasped, trying to push Roman away as the quickly building nausea hit him like a truck. "Sorry babe, you're just too high maintenance" Roman whispered across Remy's lips, leaving a sour taste to go with the increasingly nauseating smell of iron. 

As he said this, he twisted the blade in Remy's abdomen once again. The excruciating feeling of the blade Roman had plunged into him making him collapse. Roman grabbed him and pushed him to the ground, plunging the silver back into him. 

The air was knocked out of Remy as Roman clamped his hand down over his mouth once again burying the knife into him, but this time in his chest, his anger and adrenaline fueling him as he grabbed the deadweight of Remy’s limp body and threw him into a nearby dumpster, his body falling amongst a pile of black plastic and putrid leftovers. 

Roman pulled his coat over the crimson stains littering his body and walked out of the alleyway, shaking and clutching the bloodied knife in his hand, the blade drawing gashes into the skin of his palm. He shakily got into his car and with resignation in his eyes, was about to make himself drive home.


	5. Another one for the list

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman meets someone who pushes his story forward, but it does nothing to help him because he isn't quite ready for it to move just yet and refuses to let it slip by without him.

He never got caught. He’d fully expected to, but he never did. He’d killed someone and yet, no one had noticed Remy’s disappearance. He’d always been a guy to come and go with a lot of friends, but apparently, they never actually hung out and Remy's family hadn’t spoken to him in years. 

Roman guessed that Remy’s body must’ve been dumped into a dump truck and then thrown on a landfill somewhere. It seemed like Roman was getting away with it, but honestly, he didn’t expect much. He expected every day for a cop to turn up on his doorstep and he didn’t intend to fight them.

Every day seemed to get bleaker and one day he for some reason found himself at a party. The booming music thundering through his overloaded skull. He headed upstairs and finally found himself on a quiet balcony, taking a second to breathe in the cool night air and calm his nerves

The smell of sour alcohol, pot and putrid sweat carried clear through the air and made roman screw his nose up in disgust as he stepped back, only walking further towards the invasive stench. It became clear where the smell was coming from when he noted that a man had walked out onto the balcony. 

He’d opened the sliding door and brought with him the smell of the distasteful social event. The man walking over to him with a smirk on his face and a cigarette between his fingers that Roman didn’t care to consider the content of.

He strode his way over, his lip caught between his teeth as he slotted himself between Roman and the stone barrier of the balcony. “Well, hello, you. Even better looking up close, I must say,” he smirked, flicking his cigarette behind him and off the balcony as he smirked at Roman. “Guess what I noticed, pretty boy?” he drawled, practically hanging off Roman even despite the fact that they’d met not even minutes ago. 

“What?” Roman asked dryly, being used to this and fully intending to completely blank this man because he was having a bad enough night as it was, this was not something he needed. 

“We have the same soul mark, baby.” he smirked, “So, you gonna sweep me off my feet, gorgeous? My name’s Dee” he asked, that glint in his eyes being something that didn’t intrigue Roman like he guessed it was intended, it more scared him. 

It wasn’t this man’s fault of course, but neither was it Roman’s. His life being led the way it had caused him to fall into preferring more predictable people. Dee just didn’t give off that vibe at all and Roman wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

“Oh…” Roman managed. He tried to say something more because lord knows that wasn’t enough to explain his headspace in a way that wouldn’t make him sound insane. However, that really was all he could muster.

“Sorry, I wasn't looking for another soulmate,” Roman commented softly, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Another? How many have you had?” he asked, making Roman lower his head and bite his lip as shame showed through in his form. 

“Uhm...two…” he mumbled, shifting again as the drunken man in front of him scoffed, “Well, clearly neither of them made you happy because you look really sad right now,” Dee commented. “Just look at you, you’re moping around like an angsty teenager.” he teased, “I bet I could be so much better than whatever other losers you were with,” he smirked and Roman’s eyes suddenly darkened. 

“Shut the fuck up… don’t even talk about them,” Roman glared, narrowing his eyes and giving him a warning glare which unfortunately for Dee, he took as a challenge, not understanding the danger of the situation. 

Dee smirked, “Oh, come on, baby, you can’t be serious.” he slurred, a mischievous glint in his eye that didn’t seem to even dull in the face of the multiple rejections.

“Well, I am.” Roman gritted firmly, pushing Dee away from him to put space between the two. At the loss of support to hold him up, Dee stumbled and fell back against the stone barrier of the balcony. Roman winced slightly as he stood back up with some difficulty and then he sighed. 

“Look, it would be better for both of us if you just left me alone and never spoke to me again. Forget you met me and try your best to move on.” he insisted, Dee pouting in response. 

“Oh, come on, Ro, you’re my soulmate.”

By this point, Roman found himself quickly reaching his breaking point and let out a quiet growl in response to the insistence. “Look, I’m warning you, it won’t end well if you try to be with me.” 

It was at that point that something in Dee seemed to change. The alcohol bubbling in his system was making him act far from rational and far from how he would have normally acted, especially on meeting his soulmate. 

He stepped forwards and shoved Roman roughly. “What’s wrong, huh? Am I not good enough for you?” he snapped, his mood has changed in very little time. 

Roman had immediately felt threatened, such a change in mood triggering something deep inside him that he couldn’t quite place. “Please… stop, it’s not that…I can’t take another one, that’s all…” he tried to tell him, but he was met by nothing but that same searing anger across the other man’s face. He shoved Roman several more times, yelling abuse as he did and soon Roman’s mind took over. 

Before he could comprehend what was happening, he’d pushed Dee back and it had just so happened that he’d tripped over the flowerbed just in front of the drop of the balcony and hit his head hard on the side of the stone on his way down.   
When Roman leaned over the balcony to look at the ground below and try to ask if he was okay, he just saw Dee’s unconscious body falling into the pool as the water stained a deadly crimson. Roman couldn't see much in the dark, but what did it matter? It was just another soulmate dead.


	6. Maybe this time is different..?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman meets another person, but this time it's different somehow. For the first time in years, he feels that he doesn't quite know what to make of a person.

The months passed by after that incident and Roman could feel it as he was losing himself. The more time that passed, the less guilty he felt and the more his brain tried to justify what he’d done. He’d met Remy when he was only 21 and Dee only a year later. It made him feel sick when he thought about Patton’s death, but Remy...and Dee … he didn’t find himself feeling all that bad.

He knew it was bad. He should feel bad and he knew that, but just because he knew it, didn’t mean he actually felt that way. Just pretending to feel bad made no sense to him, so he just accepted that he probably wouldn’t feel bad. Remy had cheated on him and made him feel like shit and Deceit… well, he hadn’t actually meant to kill him.

He’d wanted to just push him away, but he didn’t make any move to help him or alert anyone of his position, so he supposed that one was his fault too.

It had been a long time since Roman had left his house properly after Deceit. Murders weren’t announced on tv anymore. They were just too common. Every time a person had an argument, they didn’t like to resolve that conflict and it was common that they would have to go into hiding for fear of their significant other killing them so they could try again with a fresh slate. 

Police enforcement couldn’t keep up with the murder rates so while they insisted it wasn’t encouraged, the murder of a soulmate had nearly no punishment anymore. If you handed yourself in, they would give you a sentence of course. 

Though, if you weren’t an easy person to catch, it just came across as a waste of police time and resources to catch them. If someone was killed, but not by their soulmate, that’s where things start getting complicated. If the death wasn’t related to prior relationship issues, that was when police attention was caught.

It was a disgusting new way to deal with things and many politicians with morally based arguments had been silenced during the debates. It was a political shitstorm, but with the problems of overpopulation being decreased so rapidly… Well, the government didn’t want to come up with something more ethical.

Government personnel said that the country was better off this way, but Roman found himself doubtful. “We were already slaves to the soulmate system, why make something so truly disgusting legal just for the sake of soulmates?” was a big argument in early days of the debating, but now it had ebbed away into nothingness when they realised the argument was lost.

Roman himself hadn't believed in it at first, but now he was part of that section of society. He’d killed two of his soulmates and a few people believed it was his fault his first soulmate died so it made him question whether he really was allowed to keep that belief. 

As he’d been pondering this, he’d also been debating going for a walk. Being stuck indoors feeling like shit and beating himself up wasn’t doing him any good at all.

Finally, he gave in and grabbed his coat, pulling it on and heading out into the brisk air of the winter. It hit him immediately as he trudged out of the door and down the front steps of his house.

As he made the trek to the park, he watched as his warm breath met the air and created little puffs of steam as it met the cold. The distant smell of a bonfire drifted through the air and the bare bark, completely naked of leaves contrasted deeply against the pale sky.

‘It looks as if it might snow…’ Roman thought to himself absently, the pebbles of his driveway crunching beneath his shoes as he stepped out into a road, crossing it briskly. His feel methodically fell against the pavement in turn, the quiet noise of footsteps echoing through the streets. Few people walked past him and those that did look cold, their noses ruddy and flushed from exposure to the cold.

It was little time before he made it to the park, heading down through the entry gates and taking note of the frost layering the grass, the green of it being the only colour that seemed left on the bleak landscape of winter. Sure, winter was beautiful but fuck it was cold.

He headed down the hill and began making his way down towards the small collection of park benches. He pulled his flask out from his messenger bag and made sure the table was dry before he laid down his sketchbook. 

He began drawing small patterns and creatures among the pages, his pencil emanating a quiet scratching noise as he painted the graphite along the surface, fading and shading the lines into one another. 

He’d found a rhythm and was in a deep concentration by the time another man began to make his way towards him. The other benches weren’t taken and even despite the man not seeming very social or incredibly willing to talk to him, he waited patiently next to the table.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?” he asked politely, giving Roman a smile that made him feel weirdly comforted. 

“Oh, uh, sure…” he replied with a weak smile. It was his first interaction with anybody in months, but Roman wouldn’t lie, he did miss being around people. The fear of rejection and abandonment was definitely enough to keep him away from others, but as an extrovert, he was fucked.

Now, Roman was perfectly content with sitting with this person in silence, but he wasn’t sure if this man was going to initiate conversation, so he kept himself prepared for it. Usually, this would have put him on edge, but he felt surprisingly comforted by his presence. It was calm and he seemed quite relaxed himself which roman was sure was rubbing off on him. After a while of silence, Roman bit his lip and looked up at the other man, finally taking a good look at him. He was attractive, his hair smooth and soft, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, freckles dusted across his cheeks, his eyes were focused and intelligent and his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration.

Roman didn’t realise it at first, but he was most definitely checking this man out and after a few more beats of silence, he saw a smirk begin to play on his lips as he lifted his head to look at him.

“Caught you staring.” he smiled pleasantly, reaching across the table and shaking Roman’s hand. “My name’s Logan.” he grinned and Roman paused where he was, his lips slightly parted. 

After a few more seconds when Roman still hadn’t let go of his hand, Logan smiled fondly, flushing slightly and pulling his hand away.

“Oh...sorry, I got lost in thought. My name’s Roman.” 

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Roman.”

**Author's Note:**

> Requests are open  
> credits to Naomi who helped with creative brainstorming


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